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March 2008 Cover
March 2008 Cover

 Dirty Dishes Dirty Dishes Archive  
March 2008 Email this to a friend
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Bet on Ted?
By Dawn Ivory

Speaking of Republican cocksuckers, Dawn has read that meth-buying, male-whore-hiring, right-wing nut-job Ted Haggard has been dis-invited to continue efforts at his heterosexualization. The Denver-based Homo Gantry, whose spectacular fall from grace coincided with the Republican rout in the November 2006 elections, had been trying to be "restored" (i.e., de-gayed) through efforts of the New Life Church, but evidently Haggard and his reprogramers agreed that the devil had too strong a grasp on his, uh, soul, and they mutually threw in the (cum?) towel.

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Dawn wonders about the timing; sex maven Susie Bright's blog BetOnTed.com started a betting pool February, 2006, shortly after Ted got on the No Dick Wagon. Susie was offering a donation to a San Francisco queer youth group on behalf of the reader who correctly predicted the day when Ted first suffered another sex or drug bust, had a new lover tell all, filed for divorce, or came out. The contest was to run until February 6, 2008. Date of Ted's concession to the Higher Power of Cock? February 5, 2008 -- leaving Dawn wondering: Does Ted read Susie's blog?

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